How to zombie-proof your home
Zombies are everywhere in Hollywood horror, so around this time of year you can’t help but feel a little apprehension around the idea of the undead. To ease your anxiety, we have some tips and tricks to help keep you safe from the zombies and other (shall we say more rational?) fears—accidents, burglars, fires, natural disasters, etc. Here are our best ideas on how to equip your home to keep the zombies at bay.
Break out the booby-traps
Protect all your entrances. Every window and door should have an ambush in place to prevent zombie invasions of any kind. You’ll be surprised with the intricate traps you can set up using everyday objects from your home—an iron swinging from an entrance way, glass ornaments or figurines strategically placed under your windowsills, rakes scattered about your lawn and camouflaged under leaves. Think of those infamous cat-and-mouse chase scenes from your favorite action flicks and get to work.
- First, make sure your first-aid station is fully stocked in case you fall victim to any of your own traps. Replenish anything you may have used recently and check expiration dates. Think bandages, gauze, rubbing alcohol or antiseptic wipes, cold compress, aspirin and hydrocortisone.
- As you map out your line of defense, make sure you have an escape plan for yourself. If setting up a zipline to a nearby treehouse or scaling your walls isn’t in the cards for you (à la Hollywood film-style), keep a fire-escape ladder handy. They’re easy enough to keep folded up and slide discreetly under your bed. Keep one in every upstairs bedroom in your home, just to be safe. And check your fire and carbon-monoxide alarms while you’re at it. Some of those devious booby-traps can be dangerous for the accident-prone.
Give your outdoor lighting a once-over
Make sure you have proper lighting outdoors. Consider security lights with motion-detection that will stop zombies “dead” in their tracks. Those bright lights will blast right into their faces, deterring them from your home. Many of these security lights have the technology to connect to nearby smart cameras as well, so you can watch for zombies (or package thieves!) while you’re on-the-go. If motion detector lights aren’t your style, you can look into LED step and path lights, light stands, lantern-style or string lights.
Set the fire ablaze
It’s been said that zombies are afraid of fire, and that a surefire way to ensure their demise is to ignite them in flames. The other foolproof option is to go straight for their heads, so if you’re not one for bashing zombie brains in, get your fireplace ready. Check for cracks and loose joints on the firebricks and consider hiring a pro for any repairs. All chimneys should be inspected and cleaned annually by a professional to ensure proper removal of any creosote buildup, a highly flammable byproduct of burning wood. You can also consider installing heat-proof doors to improve energy efficiency and prevent sparks from damaging your floors. And just in case you’re using your fireplace as a weapon against the zombies, these doors will enable you to trap the zombies in the flames while providing a safe barrier for yourself.
Set up a home security system
Thankfully, there are many options on the market today. From motion detectors and window-break sensors to smart home locks and cameras, there are multiple ways to up your surveillance game. These tech-savvy gadgets allow you to monitor your home while you’re on-the-go—some even allow you to control commands from your key fob. With these devices, you’ll know if there are any flesh-eating visitors lurking in your home before you arrive. Don’t let the zombies catch you off-guard.
Stock your cupboards
In case you find yourself barricaded in while waiting for zombies to clear out, you’ll want to be sure you and your family can subside on what’s inside your home. Make sure you have some non-perishables stocked—specifically items that require little or no cooking in case your utilities are disrupted by zombies trampling the streets. You’ll also want to consider storing clean drinking water in case of any disturbance to your water flow, as well as flashlights and portable chargers should the electricity go out.
Break out your best booze and your finest fragrances
Sound swanky? No, we’re not suggesting you invite the zombies in for a cocktail party. But in the event they happen to break down your barriers and enter your home, you can throw off their game with some strong scents. While zombies are attracted to the smell of human flesh, it’s been said their sense of smell can be compromised by strong-scented chemicals—aka perfume and alcohol. So, keep your perfume and cologne on-hand and stock up your bar. You’ll be ready for the zombies, and if you’re partial to imbibing, you can sip away to ease your zombie-fears. It’s time to kick back and relax—you’ve officially zombie-proofed your home. And in the process, you’ve given it a little safety inspection as well.